Losing Someone Dear

 

The one year anniversary of my mom's death passed on December 19th and her birthday cam and went on March 4th.  I guess I expected to make some grand gesture in her honor or write a tearful public tribute saying all the things I think and feel to mark the dates.  I've been humbled to discover that grief doesn't

follow a timeline and the only thing that I can count on is that it will take what it wants when it wants.  I've done my best to accept the loneliness and longing that comes from losing the only person I've shared this human experience with since I was in utero.  It's strange to grapple with the truths and complexities of our relationship in my own heart and mind, without her existence to confirm, deny or alter them.  Sometimes the longing to hear her voice or feel the reassurance of her being is so painful that it feels like a gaping wound no one else can see. I'm still in shock at how surreal and unbelievable something as inevitable as death can be.